Justification

I realized as I drove away from Gramma's house today with only Jack in the car that some of the stress in my life comes, of all things, from having to JUSTIFY every decision I make. Whether it's to my wonderful, sweet, intelligent, inquisitive daughter, or my grinning manly man of a son who just wants to stay home and play with his toys for five minutes for crying out loud why must I cart him around like a sack of potatoes... and don't even get him started on his right to nap undisturbed for more than ten minutes... and I wonder why I can't get him to sleep peacefully at night...

The point is I can't just pop us all into the car to go to the grocery store. I know I will have to explain, even convince Abby why we need to go and what we will and will not be purchasing while we are there.

Jack... I presume... feels the same and is just waiting for the words to actually tell me. He doesn't particularly like the car to begin with. I imagine he's just saving up his complaints until ... well he's not saving them at all... he's letting himself be heard quite clearly actually now that I think about it.

I even have to explain myself to adults... or, I feel like I have to anyway... Justify why I must go to the market tonight and leave Steve with both kids when he just biked ten miles and he doesn't feel well because he had three big-gulps of coffee and a mint tamale chaser.... or why I need to leave one child with this babysitter and take the other here and then swap them out making everything that much more complicated and time consuming and OH yeah I think I left my phone in my cereal this morning...

And I don't suppose it will change ANY time soon. But someday...

I'm not looking forward to my "empty nest" in order to find myself or follow my passions. I'm looking forward to that time of life so that I can get in the car and go wherever I so please whenever I so please for whatsoever I please...

Er. Hm.

And now back to how wonderful and cute my kids are.